mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
Excerpt from "The Numbers"
"How many prayers
are there tonight, how many of us must stay awake and listen?"
"A Childhood"
"Our drinks came with paper umbrellas.
My mother put on tennis whites.
My father went to the bar
the way he always did.
My mother put on tennis whites.
My brother threw me against a wall
the way he always did.
I believed in my guardian angel.
My brother threw my mother against a wall.
I walked in my sleep.
I believed in my guardian angel.
I woke up far from the house.
I walked in my sleep.
My mother read fairy tales and sang to me.
I woke up far from the house.
My mother was old, my father dead.
My mother read fairy tales and sang to me.
My father and brother crashed through the door.
My mother was old, my father dead
along with my guardian angel.
My father and brother crashed through the door.
I went to the bar
along with my guardian angel
and our drinks came with paper umbrellas."
Excerpt from "New Year's Day"
"Today I want
to resolve nothing.
I only want to walk
a little longer in the cold
blessing of the rain,
and lift my face to it."
Excerpt from "Generations"
"I walk the night city, looking up at lit windows,
and there is no table set for me, nowhere
I can go to be filled. This is the city
of grandparents, immigrants, arrivals,
where Iâve come too late with my name,
and empty plate. This is the place."
"'What Do Women Want?'"
"I want a red dress.
I want it flimsy and cheap,
I want it too tight, I want to wear it
until someone tears it off me.
I want it sleeveless and backless,
this dress, so no one has to guess
whatâs underneath. I want to walk down
the street past Thriftyâs and the hardware store
with all those keys glittering in the window,
past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old
donuts in their cafĂŠ, past the Guerra brothers
slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly,
hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders.
I want to walk like Iâm the only
woman on earth and I can have my pick.
I want that red dress bad.
I want it to confirm
your worst fears about me,
to show you how little I care about you
or anything except what
I want. When I find it, Iâll pull that garment
from its hanger like Iâm choosing a body
to carry me into this world, through
the birth-cries and the love-cries too,
and Iâll wear it like bones, like skin,
itâll be the goddamned
dress they bury me in."
8 years, 7 months ago
8 years, 7 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to 100 Favorite Books of Poetry list
"As One Put Drunk into the Packet-Boat"
I tried each thing, only some were immortal and free.
Elsewhere we are as sitting in a place where sunlight
Filters down, a little at a time,
Waiting for someone to come. Harsh words are spoken,
As the sun yellows the green of the maple tree....
So this was all, but obscurely
I felt the stirrings of new breath in the pages
Which all winter long had smelled like an old catalogue.
New sentences were starting up. But the summer
Was well along, not yet past the mid-point
But full and dark with the promise of that fullness,
That time when one can no longer wander away
And even the least attentive fall silent
To watch the thing that is prepared to happen.
A look of glass stops you
And you walk on shaken: was I the perceived?
Did they notice me, this time, as I am,
Or is it postponed again? The children
Still at their games, clouds that arise with a swift
Impatience in the afternoon sky, then dissipate
As limpid, dense twilight comes.
Only in that tooting of a horn
Down there, for a moment, I thought
The great, formal affair was beginning, orchestrated,
Its colors concentrated in a glance, a ballade
That takes in the whole world, now, but lightly,
Still lightly, but with wide authority and tact.
The prevalence of those gray flakes falling?
They are sun motes. You have slept in the sun
Longer than the sphinx, and are none the wiser for it.
Come in. And I thought a shadow fell across the door
But it was only her come to ask once more
If I was coming in, and not to hurry in case I wasn't.
The night sheen takes over. A moon of cistercian pallor
Has climbed to the center of heaven, installed,
Finally involved with the business of darkness.
And a sigh heaves from all the small things on earth,
The books, the papers, the old garters and union-suit buttons
Kept in a white cardboard box somewhere, and all the lower
Versions of cities flattened under the equalizing night.
The summer demands and takes away too much,
But night, the reserved, the reticent, gives more than it takes.
8 years, 7 months ago
8 years, 7 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
"As One Put Drunk into the Packet-Boat"
"I tried each thing, only some were immortal and free.
Elsewhere we are as sitting in a place where sunlight
Filters down, a little at a time,
Waiting for someone to come. Harsh words are spoken,
As the sun yellows the green of the maple tree....
So this was all, but obscurely
I felt the stirrings of new breath in the pages
Which all winter long had smelled like an old catalogue.
New sentences were starting up. But the summer
Was well along, not yet past the mid-point
But full and dark with the promise of that fullness,
That time when one can no longer wander away
And even the least attentive fall silent
To watch the thing that is prepared to happen.
A look of glass stops you
And you walk on shaken: was I the perceived?
Did they notice me, this time, as I am,
Or is it postponed again? The children
Still at their games, clouds that arise with a swift
Impatience in the afternoon sky, then dissipate
As limpid, dense twilight comes.
Only in that tooting of a horn
Down there, for a moment, I thought
The great, formal affair was beginning, orchestrated,
Its colors concentrated in a glance, a ballade
That takes in the whole world, now, but lightly,
Still lightly, but with wide authority and tact.
The prevalence of those gray flakes falling?
They are sun motes. You have slept in the sun
Longer than the sphinx, and are none the wiser for it.
Come in. And I thought a shadow fell across the door
But it was only her come to ask once more
If I was coming in, and not to hurry in case I wasn't.
The night sheen takes over. A moon of cistercian pallor
Has climbed to the center of heaven, installed,
Finally involved with the business of darkness.
And a sigh heaves from all the small things on earth,
The books, the papers, the old garters and union-suit buttons
Kept in a white cardboard box somewhere, and all the lower
Versions of cities flattened under the equalizing night.
The summer demands and takes away too much,
But night, the reserved, the reticent, gives more than it takes."
"Forties Flick"
"The shadow of the Venetian blind on the painted wall,
Shadows of the snake-plant and cacti, the plaster animals,
Focus on the tragic melancholy of the bright stare
Into nowhere, a hole like the black holes in space.
âIn bra and panties she sidles to the window:
Zip! Up with the blind. A fragile street scene offers itself,
With wafer-thin pedestrians who know where they are going.
The blind comes down slowly, the slats are slowly titled up.
Why must it always end this way?
A dais with woman reading, with the ruckus of her hair
And all that is unsaid about her pulling us back to her, with her
Into the silence that night alone canât explain.
Silence of the library, of the telephone with its pad,
But we didnât have to reinvent these either:
They had gone away into the plot of a story,
The âartâ partâknowing what important details to leave out
And the way character is developed. Things too real
To be of much concern, hence artificial, yet now all over the page,
The indoors with the outside becoming part of you
As you find you had never left off laughing at death,
The background, dark vine at the edge of the porch."
Excerpt from "Grand Galop"
"The names we stole don't remove us"
"The One Thing That Can Save America"
"Is anything central?
Orchards flung out on the land,
Urban forests, rustic plantations, knee-high hills?
Are place names central?
Elm Grove, Adcock Corner, Story Book Farm?
As they concur with a rush at eye level
Beating themselves into eyes which have had enough
Thank you, no more thank you.
And they come on like scenery mingled with darkness
The damp plains, overgrown suburbs,
Places of known civic pride, of civil obscurity.
These are connected to my version of America
But the juice is elsewhere.
This morning as I walked out of your room
After breakfast crosshatched with
Backward and forward glances, backward into light,
Forward into unfamiliar light,
Was it our doing, and was it
The material, the lumber of life, or of lives
We were measuring, counting?
A mood soon to be forgotten
In crossed girders of light, cool downtown shadow
In this morning that has seized us again?
I know that I braid too much on my own
Snapped-off perceptions of things as they come to me.
They are private and always will be.
Where then are the private turns of event
Destined to bloom later like golden chimes
Released over a city from a highest tower?
The quirky things that happen to me, and I tell you,
And you know instantly what I mean?
What remote orchard reached by winding roads
Hides them? Where are these roots?
It is the lumps and trials
That tell us whether we shall be known
And whether our fate can be exemplary, like a star.
All the rest is waiting
For a letter that never arrives,
Day after day, the exasperation
Until finally you have ripped it open not knowing what it is,
The two envelope halves lying on a plate.
The message was wise, and seemingly
Dictated a long time ago, but its time has still
Not arrived, telling of danger, and the mostly limited
Steps that can be taken against danger
Now and in the future, in cool yards,
In quiet small houses in the country,
Our country, in fenced areas, in cool shady streets."
8 years, 7 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
"Facts About the Moon"
"The moon is backing away from us
an inch and a half each year. That means
if youâre like me and were born
around fifty years ago the moon
was a full six feet closer to the earth.
Whatâs a person supposed to do?
I feel the gray cloud of consternation
travel across my face. I begin thinking
about the moon-lit past, how if you go back
far enough you can imagine the breathtaking
hugeness of the moon, prehistoric
solar eclipses when the moon covered the sun
so completely there was no corona, only
a darkness we had no word for.
And future eclipses will look like this: the moon
a small black pupil in the eye of the sun.
But these are bald facts.
What bothers me most is that someday
the moon will spiral right out of orbit
and all land-based life will die.
The moon keeps the oceans from swallowing
the shores, keeps the electromagnetic fields
in check at the polar ends of the earth.
And please donât tell me
what I already know, that it wonât happen
for a long time. I donât care. Iâm afraid
of what will happen to the moon.
Forget us. We donât deserve the moon.
Maybe we once did but not now
after all weâve done. These nights
I harbor a secret pity for the moon, rolling
around alone in space without
her milky planet, her only love, a mother
whoâs lost a child, a bad child,
a greedy child or maybe a grown boy
whoâs murdered and raped, a mother
canât help it, she loves that boy
anyway, and in spite of herself
she misses him, and if you sit beside her
on the padded hospital bench
outside the door to his room you canât not
take her hand, listen to her while she
weeps, telling you how sweet he was,
how blue his eyes, and you know sheâs only
romanticizing, that sheâs conveniently
forgotten the bruises and booze,
the stolen car, the day he ripped
the phones from the walls, and you want
to slap her back to sanity, remind her
of the truth: he was a leech, a fuckup,
a little shit, and you almost do
until she lifts her pale puffy face, her eyes
two craters, and then you canât help it
either, you know love when you see it,
you can feel its lunar strength, its brutal pull."
"What's Broken"
"The slate black sky. The middle step
of the back porch. And long ago
my motherâs necklace, the beads
rolling north and south. Broken
the rose stem, water into drops, glass
knobs on the bedroom door. Last summerâs
pot of parsley and mint, white roots
shooting like streamers through the cracks.
Years ago the catâs tail, the bird bath,
the car hoodâs rusted latch. Broken
little finger on my right hand at birthâ
I was pulled out too fast. What hasnât
been rent, divided, split? Broken
the days into nights, the night sky
into stars, the stars into patterns
I make up as I trace them
with a broken-off blade
of grass. Possible, unthinkable,
the cricketâs tiny back as I lie
on the lawn in the dark, my heart
a blue cup fallen from someoneâs hands."
Excerpt from "For Matthew Shepard"
"O Shakespeare didnât care if a hobo
wore a dress, a crown, as long as the day
was long, lovely. Each word a cut rhinestone.
Each touch, kiss, a dab of perfume, cologne."
"Afterlife"
"Even in heaven, when a former waitress goes out
for lunch, she canât help it, canât stop wiping down
the counter, brushing crumbs from the bottoms
of ketchup bottles, cleaning the chunky rim
around the cap with a napkin, tipping big.
Old habits die hard. Old waitresses
die harder, laid out in their cheap cardboard coffins
in their lacy blue varicose veins, arches fallen
like grand cathedrals, a row of female Quasimodos:
each finely sprung spine humped from a lifetime
hefting trays. But they have smiles on their faces,
feet up, dancing shoes shined, wispy hair nets
peeled off and tossed in the trash, permed strands
snagged in the knots. You hover over their open caskets
with your fist full of roses and itâs their hands
you canât stop staring at. Hands like your, fingers
scarred, stained, rough, muscles plump
between each knuckle, tough as a manâs,
useless now, still as they never were
even at shiftâs end, gnarled wings folded
between the breasts of faceless women done
with their gossip, their earthly orders,
having poured the days dark brew
into the last bottomless cup, finished
with mice in the rice bags, roaches
in the walk-in, their eyes sealed shut, deaf
forever to the clatter, the cook, the cries
of the living. Grateful as nuns. Quite dead."
8 years, 7 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
Excerpt from "Juneau"
"I slept
in my small room and all night â or what passed for night
that far north â the geography of the world
outside my window was breaking, changing shape.
And I woke to it and looked at it and didnât speak."
"Learning to Drive"
"The long miles down the back road
I learned to drive on. The boy riding
shotgun. his hand on my hand on
the gear shift knob, our eyes locked
on the dusty winshield, the cracked
asphalt, old airstrip, the nothing spreading
for miles: scrub brush, heat waves, sky,
a few thin contrails. His patience
endless. My clumsiness: the grinding
gears, the fumbled clutch. The wrench
of it popped like an arm from its socket,
his blue, beloved â57 Ford lurching,
stalled in the dirt. I was 16, he was older,
his football-player shoulders muscular,
wide. Where did he get his kindness?
Why spend it on a girl like me: skinny,
serious, her nails bitten, her legs
bruised. Hours under summerâs
relentless heat, his car stumbling
across the barren lot until I got it,
understood how to lift my left foot,
press my right hand, in tandem, like dancing,
which I never learned to do, never wanted
to turn circles on the polished floor
of a dark auditorium, the bleachers
hemming me in. I drove toward the horizon,
gravel jitterbugging under his tires. Lizards
skittering. Jays rising to the buzz
of telephone wires. He taught me
how to handle a car, how to downshift
into second, peel out from a dead stop.
His fist hung from the open window,
knuckles clamped on a lit cigarette,
dragging smoke, we couldnât guess
where we were going. He didnât know
he was flying to Vietnam
and I was learning how to get out of there,
The Byrds singing âEight Miles Highâ
when he turned up the radio
and told me to brake, opened his door,
slid out and stood on the desert road
to let me go it alone. his back pressed
against all that emptiness."
"Men"
"It's tough being a guy, having to be gruff
and buff, the strong silent type, having to laugh
it offâpain, loss, sorrow, betrayalâor leave in a huff
and say No big deal, take a ride, listen to enough
loud rock and roll that it scours out your head, if
not your heart. Or to be called a fag or a poof
when you love something or someone, scuffing
a shoe across the floor, hiding a smile in a muffler
pulled up nose high, an eyebrow raised for the word quaff
used in casual conversationâwine, air, oil change at the Jiffy
Lubeâgulping it down, a joke no one gets. It's rough,
yes, the tie around the neck, the starched white cuffs
too long, too short, frayed, frilled, rolled up. The self
isn't an easy quest for a beast with balls, a cock, proof
of something difficult to define or defend. Chief or chef,
thief or roofer, serf or sheriff, feet on the earth or aloof.
Son, brother, husband, lover, father, they are different
from us, except when they fall or stand alone on a wharf."
Excerpt from "Dark Charms"
"We continue to speak, if only in whispers,
to something inside us that longs to be named.
We name it the past and drag it behind us,
bag like a lung filled with shadow and song,
dreams of running, the keys to lost names."
8 years, 7 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to 50 Favorite Authors list
8 years, 8 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
"The young desired to be free of the adults, and at the same time were prepared to resent any hint that the adults might desire to be free of them."
8 years, 8 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
"'You think you know what is just and what is not. I understand. We all think we know.' I had no doubt, myself, then, that at each moment each one of us, man, woman, child, perhaps even the poor old horse turning the mill-wheel, knew what was just: all creatures come into the world bringing with them the memory of justice. 'But we live in a world of laws,' I said to my poor prisoner, 'a world of the second-best. There is nothing we can do about that. We are fallen creatures. All we can do is to uphold the laws, all of us, without allowing the memory of justice to fade.'"
"I truly believe I am not afraid of death. What I shrink from, I believe, is the shame of dying as stupid and befuddled as I am."
8 years, 8 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
"'Innocence is something one chooses, and something one chooses for the same reason one chooses any other thing--because it seems best.'"
8 years, 8 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
Excerpt from "Dogfish"
"You donât want to hear the story
of my life, and anyway
I donât want to tell it, I want to listen
to the enormous waterfalls of the sun."
Excerpt from "The Chance to Love Everything"
"Fear defeated me. And yet,
not in faith and not in madness
but with the courage I thought
my dream deserved,
I stepped outside."
8 years, 9 months ago
mika_ added 1 item to Read in 2016 list
"There are people in the world for whom 'coming along' is a perpetual process, people who are destined never to arrive."
8 years, 9 months ago